I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
