im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
