Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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