I can text with my tongue
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
