I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
