I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
