Your mouth is God's brothel.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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