I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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