I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
