no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
