ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
