are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
