Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
