I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
