my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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