is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
