Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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