you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
