its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
4 words: hood of his car
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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