thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
