bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize