So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
