***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
