I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
