went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
