real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
