well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize