Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
