I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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