meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
