Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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