omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
