theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
