My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
