your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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