I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
