I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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