so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
