i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
