mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
