he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
