party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
