I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
