Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
