yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
