went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
