So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
