Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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