Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
