I cockslap morals
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
