can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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