You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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