I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize