thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that's an acceptable place to lick
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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