Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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