My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I AM VODKA MAN
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
