idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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