not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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