worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
