I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
someone threw a dead crab at me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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