Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize