I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
God I need to hump something, right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
