I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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