NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
should my penis look like a turkey
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
