So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
