We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
