there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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