So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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