No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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