I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
