my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
