Jerry, you need to find god
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
