i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
