so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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