Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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