She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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