She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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