Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
