Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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