My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
