I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
