I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
