we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
