Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How naked do you want me to be?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
