the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
