So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
