You work out of a Hotel?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
