I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
