well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize