We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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