and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
