Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Alive.
So much puke
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
