meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize