she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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