WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
