Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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