the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
